35 years in showbusiness, John Travolta has taken his first stab at animation as the voice of an adorable puppy in Walt Disney's "Bolt".
The movie, which debuted in U.S. theaters one week ago, was a leap of faith for Travolta after a film career that started with musicals like "Grease" and "Saturday Night Fever" and went on to embrace surprises like "Pulp Fiction" and stingers like "Battlefield Earth."
Travolta, 54, talked to Reuters about how his career has changed over the years, some of his regrets and how he chooses new projects.
Q: "Bolt" is your first animated feature. How did you find the process?
A: "It was mysterious. It is the reverse of normal movie protocol. You are doing it out of context. You're really letting the director completely lead you. In a live action movie, I know the kind of take the directors want before they know. In this, the animators know what kind of take they want, and then later, after about 30 takes. I discover what they should want."
Q: The song, with Miley Cyrus, for the "Bolt" theme tune is the first original song you've done in about 20 years. Why don't we hear you singing more often?
A; "Because I've had such great success in film I haven't ventured out separately in music in a very long time. I feel like I invite music into my life rather than solicit it. I like peppering my career with very successful music as opposed to going out in a very highly competitive field and missing a lot to get the occasional hit. I have the luxury of doing that because film is my primary career."
Q; But you started out in musical theater. Don't you miss that?
A: "I prefer doing musicals on film, like 'Grease' and 'Hairspray'. I did 16 years on stage and I enjoyed the first eight years, but I don't know how much I enjoyed the second eight because of the long runs. They became problematic after three months because I started to not want to do the same show again, eight shows-a-week. All you want is a long run, and when you get it you realize that's the very thing that makes you not want to do theater again."
Q: You have four more movies coming out in 2009. Is quality or quantity most important to you?
A: "You can't control the quality of projects that are coming to you, so if you get several in a row that are quality you take them. The money has been made. I just need to do good work now. You put as many positive eggs in the basket and hope for the best and that the basket doesn't fall. I was offered several big movies recently that I just couldn't do anything with, so I turned them down. And I was proud of myself."
Q: Which parts do you most regret turning down?
A; "'Chicago' probably (Travolta was offered the role of Billy Flynn). I wasn't all that into the stage show. It was a lot of women who hated men and I like women who like men. (laughs) The stage show was kind of vicious but the movie had a heart. 'Green Mile' I probably should have said yes to and 'An Officer and a Gentleman'. But I gave Richard Gere and Tom Hanks a career! What you turn down can be a gift to someone else. There is enough to go around."
Monday, December 1, 2008
Kicking butt in Kollywood
Remember Arnold Schwarzenegger’s The Terminator — one of the most successful franchisee movies in the history of Hollywood?
Well, the last one in the series was The Terminator 3 —The Rise of the Machines, after which Arnold retired from movies when he became the Governor of California.
Now, six years later, an all new Terminator 4 — Salvation: The Future Begins is to be released in Hollywood in the summer of 2009. And the man who is going to step into the shoes of Arnold is Roland Kickinger, who will play the role of Cyborg T-800 made famous by the former action hero.
Last week, Roland Kickinger, a body builder from Vienna who has won the Mr Universe title and migrated to Hollywood, was in Vagamon, a beautiful forest in Kerala.
He was playing villain and grappling with Kollywood’s rising action hero Jayam Ravi in S P Jhananathan directed Ayngaran International’s Peraanmai. Kickinger has already done about 20 movies in Hollywood and his big ticket to superstardom is Terminator 4.
So, why should a big star like Kickinger come to Vagamon? Explains S P Jhananathan, the director of Peraanmai, “A few months back, producer Arun Pandian and I went to Los Angeles and met Rolland Kickinger and his agent, Jack. When they heard our narration of the script and his role, he said he could spare 20 days for the shoot.”
Jhananathan explains that in the film, Kickinger plays an international terrorist and a gun runner who infiltrates into the country through a forest. He faces the fury of a tribal leader and forest guard, played by Jayam Ravi, and five NCC women cadets.
The director, visibly impressed by the cooperation extended to the crew by the Hollywood star, says, “Kickinger plays the main villain along with Siso, another actor from Hollywood. In two days time, they acquainted themselves with our style of functioning and were ready to do action scenes Kollywood style, as we don’t have the kind of equipment Hollywood crews use for such stunt scenes. Rolland cooperated with us and in fact helped stunt master M S Michael choreograph the action sequences more convincingly.”
Kickinger also did not make any fuss about his stay or the tough terrain and shooting conditions at Vagamon. He stayed at a local resort and survived on oats, egg whites, grilled chicken or tinned salmon without salt or any spices and lots of English vegetables and mineral water.
Added Jhananathan, “He was totally disciplined and a complete professional. He even tried out our idli and chutney on the sets. The action scenes will be the highlight of the film and they are awesome.” During the shoot, Kickinger gave Ravi some valuable tips on body building and how to do action scenes convincingly. He was impressed with Ravi’s dedication and professionalism and the way he took care of his body.
When he bid adieu to the unit, his parting words were, “I had a blast shooting for an Indian film. It was a great learning experience.”
Well, the last one in the series was The Terminator 3 —The Rise of the Machines, after which Arnold retired from movies when he became the Governor of California.
Now, six years later, an all new Terminator 4 — Salvation: The Future Begins is to be released in Hollywood in the summer of 2009. And the man who is going to step into the shoes of Arnold is Roland Kickinger, who will play the role of Cyborg T-800 made famous by the former action hero.
Last week, Roland Kickinger, a body builder from Vienna who has won the Mr Universe title and migrated to Hollywood, was in Vagamon, a beautiful forest in Kerala.
He was playing villain and grappling with Kollywood’s rising action hero Jayam Ravi in S P Jhananathan directed Ayngaran International’s Peraanmai. Kickinger has already done about 20 movies in Hollywood and his big ticket to superstardom is Terminator 4.
So, why should a big star like Kickinger come to Vagamon? Explains S P Jhananathan, the director of Peraanmai, “A few months back, producer Arun Pandian and I went to Los Angeles and met Rolland Kickinger and his agent, Jack. When they heard our narration of the script and his role, he said he could spare 20 days for the shoot.”
Jhananathan explains that in the film, Kickinger plays an international terrorist and a gun runner who infiltrates into the country through a forest. He faces the fury of a tribal leader and forest guard, played by Jayam Ravi, and five NCC women cadets.
The director, visibly impressed by the cooperation extended to the crew by the Hollywood star, says, “Kickinger plays the main villain along with Siso, another actor from Hollywood. In two days time, they acquainted themselves with our style of functioning and were ready to do action scenes Kollywood style, as we don’t have the kind of equipment Hollywood crews use for such stunt scenes. Rolland cooperated with us and in fact helped stunt master M S Michael choreograph the action sequences more convincingly.”
Kickinger also did not make any fuss about his stay or the tough terrain and shooting conditions at Vagamon. He stayed at a local resort and survived on oats, egg whites, grilled chicken or tinned salmon without salt or any spices and lots of English vegetables and mineral water.
Added Jhananathan, “He was totally disciplined and a complete professional. He even tried out our idli and chutney on the sets. The action scenes will be the highlight of the film and they are awesome.” During the shoot, Kickinger gave Ravi some valuable tips on body building and how to do action scenes convincingly. He was impressed with Ravi’s dedication and professionalism and the way he took care of his body.
When he bid adieu to the unit, his parting words were, “I had a blast shooting for an Indian film. It was a great learning experience.”
Gals galore in 'Ellam Avan Seyal'
'Ellam Avan Seyal' is a taut thriller starring villain turned hero RK along with a bunch of ten hot girls. Nine of them play the role of rich NRI medical students while the tenth girl plays a village belle. The gangleader of the NRI pack played by Mansi from Mumbai and the village belle played by Bhama from Kerala were in town recently. Expresso caught up with them to find out more about their career in Kollywood.
Bhama is the typical traditional doe-eyed beauty, complete with long tresses et al. She tells us shyly, “My face is best suited for homely roles and that’s what I would like to do.” She is no newcomer to cinema, though this film is her Tamil debut. “I have done many Malyalam films like Neivedyam, Cycle, Colors and many more,”she reveals.So what brought her into Kollywood? “Shaji Kailas and the Prabakar saw my film posters and felt I was just the right face for this role and that’s how 'Ellam Avan Seyal' happened,” smiles Bhama.
Mansi, the girl who plays a spoilt NRI student stands out in the film with her wild hair cut and mannerisms. And she is no newcomer to films, either. Her first film was Thirutham in 2007 and another flick with Ramana followed. This is her third release in Tamil.
She also has a Telugu film called Seenugaru Chiranjeevi Fan to her credit. “In Tamil I am looking for lead roles and good characters,” says the girl who has so far played traditional characters. “Shaji sir presented me very well in Ellam.. and I am very happy with this role,” she says, keeping her fingers crossed about the future. With the number of films being made here, it will be no surprise if they find a bright future in Kollywood.
Bhama is the typical traditional doe-eyed beauty, complete with long tresses et al. She tells us shyly, “My face is best suited for homely roles and that’s what I would like to do.” She is no newcomer to cinema, though this film is her Tamil debut. “I have done many Malyalam films like Neivedyam, Cycle, Colors and many more,”she reveals.So what brought her into Kollywood? “Shaji Kailas and the Prabakar saw my film posters and felt I was just the right face for this role and that’s how 'Ellam Avan Seyal' happened,” smiles Bhama.
Mansi, the girl who plays a spoilt NRI student stands out in the film with her wild hair cut and mannerisms. And she is no newcomer to films, either. Her first film was Thirutham in 2007 and another flick with Ramana followed. This is her third release in Tamil.
She also has a Telugu film called Seenugaru Chiranjeevi Fan to her credit. “In Tamil I am looking for lead roles and good characters,” says the girl who has so far played traditional characters. “Shaji sir presented me very well in Ellam.. and I am very happy with this role,” she says, keeping her fingers crossed about the future. With the number of films being made here, it will be no surprise if they find a bright future in Kollywood.
A very real fantasy - Kollywood
Director Susi Ganesan, after films like Five Star and Thiruttu Payale, returns with a movie that’s bound to be larger-than-life. And remember, you saw it here first.
So, what makes the film special? “It’s a Superman story with a logical touch,” explains the director, “Yes, it is a stylish commercial entertainer but logic is its real strength.”
Fantasy and realism are mixed in adequate measure in the film. “I’m hoping to make audiences experience all the elements of filmmaking such as fight and dance,” he states. Despite decent outings with Thiruttu Payale and Five Star, he believes that Kandasamy is his first real big film. “This is my first film with a mass hero and villains; all combined in an action subject.”
The project has been on the cards for a long time now and was originally slotted for a Deepavali 2008 release. And the reason for the delay, according to the director, is the tremendous amount of time and energy that’s currently going into the post-production (PP) work of the film.
“I should justify the delay,” states director Susi Ganesan, “For a film of this magnitude, at least three months of PP work is required and that’s what we are currently doing.” Kandasamy, which stars Vikram and Shriya in lead roles, promises to be one of 2009’s biggest films. All that remains other than the PP work is a flashback sequence that might take five days and a song that will soon be shot in Italy.
Why is it named Kandasamy when it’s sleek and stylish? “The film is basically about contrast,” he adds, “People like contrast and that’s what we aim to offer.” The highlight of the film will be the ‘kokkarako’ character of Vikram that’s bound to create ripples. “Children will love his mannerism,” promises Susi. Prod him on, and we get a sneak-peek into the story of the film. “If you write a letter explaining your problem to God, the hero solves it — that’s where the story kicks off,” he says. To prove a point, the team has gone in for a unique campaign by adopting a couple of villages in the state. Plans are on to hold a contest that will connect aspiring villages and rich businessmen at the audio launch, which will be held in January. “There’s a 15-minute sequence in the movie that will feature a unique solution — we hope that it will create a movement in the state,” he states, “A film can do wonders and Kandasamy will be the first example.”
So, what makes the film special? “It’s a Superman story with a logical touch,” explains the director, “Yes, it is a stylish commercial entertainer but logic is its real strength.”
Fantasy and realism are mixed in adequate measure in the film. “I’m hoping to make audiences experience all the elements of filmmaking such as fight and dance,” he states. Despite decent outings with Thiruttu Payale and Five Star, he believes that Kandasamy is his first real big film. “This is my first film with a mass hero and villains; all combined in an action subject.”
The project has been on the cards for a long time now and was originally slotted for a Deepavali 2008 release. And the reason for the delay, according to the director, is the tremendous amount of time and energy that’s currently going into the post-production (PP) work of the film.
“I should justify the delay,” states director Susi Ganesan, “For a film of this magnitude, at least three months of PP work is required and that’s what we are currently doing.” Kandasamy, which stars Vikram and Shriya in lead roles, promises to be one of 2009’s biggest films. All that remains other than the PP work is a flashback sequence that might take five days and a song that will soon be shot in Italy.
Why is it named Kandasamy when it’s sleek and stylish? “The film is basically about contrast,” he adds, “People like contrast and that’s what we aim to offer.” The highlight of the film will be the ‘kokkarako’ character of Vikram that’s bound to create ripples. “Children will love his mannerism,” promises Susi. Prod him on, and we get a sneak-peek into the story of the film. “If you write a letter explaining your problem to God, the hero solves it — that’s where the story kicks off,” he says. To prove a point, the team has gone in for a unique campaign by adopting a couple of villages in the state. Plans are on to hold a contest that will connect aspiring villages and rich businessmen at the audio launch, which will be held in January. “There’s a 15-minute sequence in the movie that will feature a unique solution — we hope that it will create a movement in the state,” he states, “A film can do wonders and Kandasamy will be the first example.”
Kollywood sex bomb Namitha splits from boyfriend?
The undisputed sex bomb of south, Namitha , has reportedly split from the man she has been apparently seeing for years.
Namitha has been linked with businessman Bharath Kapoor for many years now. He is believed to be the man who mentored Namitha to stardom. The duo were often spotted together on many occasions and there were also rumours that the two were in a live-in relationship.
But now, Kollywood is abuzz with talks of a split between the couple.
Reports say Bharath has shifted back to Mumbai as he has found a new girl named Jenny and is promoting her to Kollywood filmmakers.
Meanwhile, Namitha seems to be handling the split by immersing herself in work.
Namitha is busy with two Telugu films – ‘Jaganmohini’ and ‘Billa’. She is presently learnt to be shooting in Bangkok for ‘Billa’.
Namitha has been linked with businessman Bharath Kapoor for many years now. He is believed to be the man who mentored Namitha to stardom. The duo were often spotted together on many occasions and there were also rumours that the two were in a live-in relationship.
But now, Kollywood is abuzz with talks of a split between the couple.
Reports say Bharath has shifted back to Mumbai as he has found a new girl named Jenny and is promoting her to Kollywood filmmakers.
Meanwhile, Namitha seems to be handling the split by immersing herself in work.
Namitha is busy with two Telugu films – ‘Jaganmohini’ and ‘Billa’. She is presently learnt to be shooting in Bangkok for ‘Billa’.
To Hell And Back Again - Angela Peacock
I was an 18-year old, fresh out of high school, with an M16 and camouflage paint smeared on my face, excited, a little naïve at just what I had gotten myself into.No one told me that eleven years later, I'd be tired, very broken, isolated, and damaged goods. Yes, I was assaulted and harassed while serving my country. No one warned me that joining the Army made me twice as likely to be sexually assaulted than my civilian counterparts. That's not what I was signing up for.I come from a family where military service makes you a man (or a woman, in my case). Both grandparents served in the Army Air Corps in World War II and my father dreamed of being in the Navy. Plans changed for him when I was born and he broke his leg in a motorcycle accident. I wanted to travel to crazy places few people have ever heard of or even knew existed. I wanted to meet those people I would see in National Geographic commercials or the World Almanac my grandfather would show me when I was little. Most of all, I wanted to get out of St. Louis and experience life on this irresistible planet.
I wanted to declare my independence to everyone I knew, so I shaved my head and signed the dotted line. A little rebellious I guess, but I liked the excitement of it all!I had been a born leader, tough as a brick shithouse, and could knock boys over when I played soccer with them in the neighborhood. I played all the sports, ran faster than most guys and could outwit anyone with their intellectual theories. Especially the Catholic Republican in my Advanced English class senior year who would debate with me on issues such as abortion, the death penalty, and who would be President of the United States first, him or I.In 1997, my senior year, GI Jane came out. I watched it the night before I left for the Army and dreamed of being just like Demi Moore, just as tough as the guys. I was ready, willing, and able to do anything a "man" could do.Eleven years later, I wound up 2100 miles from home, staying in a homeless veterans shelter, attending a three month Renew Program for women veterans who have experienced Military Sexual Trauma with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. There were only five women in my group who were willing to face all the pain of their past to come out feeling better on the other side. Who says women aren't strong?There, I met Amanda Spain, producer of "In Their Boots," an online documentary seriesshowing the struggles of Iraq and Afghanistan vets when we come home. They are apolitical, and funded by a grant from the Iraq Afghanistan Deployment Impact fund (IADIF) and produced by Brave New Foundation under Robert Greenwald.
She asked me if I'd be willing to share my story with those that were willing to listen. Apprehensive, and shocked that someone finally cared enough to listen, I hesitatingly agreed.It was the first time, ever, to share my story, from beginning to end.
One night in South Korea, I went out with some friends to the "Ville" which is all the little hole-in-the-wall bars and restaurants right outside the gates of Camp Carroll, Waegwan, South Korea. It was a dark, spring night and I had to work the next morning at 0730 hours to complete my yearly Common Tasks Training with the unit. I went out for an hour or so, only had one small drink, as being drunk was not my cup of tea at the time. I went to leave an hour later and someone had stolen my keys. Nervous, I walked through the gate with a male, non-commissioned officer I had seen around but didn't know very well. We are taught to respect and trust the NCO's and I had no reason not to. You are not allowed in South Korea to walk through the streets alone as it is with Armed Forces Policy in most places overseas. My roommate was not in our room so I decided to stay in the NCO's room down the hall to wait for her to come home. I checked several times throughout the night but no answer from my roommate.The male asks me four times to have sex with him and I say no all four times. First, I tell him I don't know him, then I tell him I have a boyfriend in Germany, then I tell him again I don't know him. The final time, I tell him I am on my period and NO! Next thing I remember is my naked body being violently thrown all over the bed and I am unable to scream or stop it. I don't know, to this day, if I was drugged or hit over the head.I remember hearing his roommate, just on the other side of the room and I am trying to scream, but nothing comes out. It is as if I am out of my body watching from across the room and can do absolutely nothing to get back in my body and fight him off.
I wake up the next morning twenty minutes late for my 0730 formation. Shaken, not quite sure what happened that night I am standing naked in the bathroom and cannot unwedge the tampon that is shoved all the way up.My Platoon Leader asks me what's wrong and did I drink too much the night before, he smells my breath and concedes that that's not it, but what is it? I don't even know.
Three days later, I get flashes and cold chills as I am standing in the office and see him. My body knew what happened before I did. Somehow, I am told, the body remembers. My hands are shaking and sweaty and now it's all clear. It's too late for a rape kit, I had to tell someone.I talk to my Platoon Sergeant, the man I respected the most. He told me that in the military when there is a rape trial they will blame it on me and make it look like I was asking for it. They would say I drank too much, I was a party girl. They would make up lies and I would be on trial, not the NCO. As I am a naïve 21-year old who trusts her leaders, I go along with his plan to just "live with it." My Platoon Sergeant told me the only thing that would happen to him would be that his rank would be knocked down one level, he would be transferred back to the States and I would have to live the rest of my life with it. So I stuff it way down inside and begin my new way of coping with it, binge drinking on the weekends.Six months later, I reenlisted to stay in four more years and signed up for Europe. September 11th happens and I know Europe will be the first to deploy when war breaks out. We all knew it was coming. I will leave a part of myself in Korea.A year and a half later, May 6, 2003, I am driving in a convoy from Kuwait to Baghdad. My family is watching it all back home on CNN and they have no idea.I already had pain in me from the assault and now I am being exposed to the horrors of war. No front lines for women, my ass. Baghdad is the front line. No, I didn't have to kill anyone, but the fear of thinking today could be my last, either from running over an IED, small arms fire from a sniper, a grenade being thrown from the overpasses or the fact that my Tactical Signal Unit has no armored plates in our flak jackets like the contractors get.I hear stories of soldiers killing themselves in port-a-potties, crazy Iraqis blowing themselves up and what happened the day before in the "Underpass of Death" outside a market we frequent on our way to the Green Zone for supply pickup three times a week.
I am having panic attacks daily, nightmares, flashbacks, all things I don't find out the names for until I get back to Germany. I kept a journal of me losing my mind. Fevers, diarrhea, vomiting, bloody noses, losing 48 pounds in two months.Supply lines are not steady yet and we get 1 liter of water a day and the temperature is 130 degrees in the shade. I am falling apart.My Command will not send me back to get medical treatment as I am "mission essential." Finally, I get orders to Fort Lewis, Washington as there is some loophole somewhere that says you can not be overseas more than 3 years straight. I get medevac'd two weeks early for medical treatment.When I arrive back at Landstuhl Hospital in Germany, they run every test possible to see why I lost all that weight, as I am now a withering 103 pounds. No one asks me if it could be emotional or combat induced.After seeing a fellow soldier from my unit, who now had staples from his chest to his genitals, I lose it and walk myself to psychiatry. I still tried to hold it all in, only telling the Major that every time I hear a door slam I think it is a gunshot. Be strong, I tell myself, I am tough I can handle this.I get to Fort Lewis a month later to find out my new unit is being deployed in two months, I am going back to Baghdad.Two weeks into redeployment, I get double ear infections, a fever, and chills. I am ordered by the Medical Staff to report to Mental Health section as when they see my pulse rate is 140 beats per minute and my blood pressure is through the roof, I am having a panic attack, and can't hide it anymore. Their stupid machines caught me covering it up.I walk to Mental Health and explode. Holding nothing back the Triage Doctor tells me I am not allowed to be around weapons as I am now a danger to myself. I am non-deployable and will be medically boarded out of the Army.I am angry, confused, the Army is my life. I am a Sergeant, my soldiers need me and I need them. I just wanted help, I didn't want to be discharged. I had served 7 years and wanted to retire from the Army.The day I was medically retired, I laid on the couch all day knowing my life was over. I was 25 years old. I went from war hero to piece of shit in one day. I was depressed, couldn't sleep, and my husband, also an Iraq vet, didn't know how to help me or what was even wrong. Little did we know, we both had PTSD, for different reasons, but nonetheless, we waged our own war against each other in the same house.The next two years are fogged from my use of prescription drugs to numb myself. I didn't want to feel anything. I wish I had died in Iraq. At least the deceased aren't suffering. I am trapped in my mind reliving over and over the rape and the war. I am not sure if I am even alive.My husband finally gives up on me a year later and tells me to move back home, that I need my family to help me because he can't get through to me. I am addicted to numbing my pain with anything that will stop it, even for a minute a day.The year of 2006, I attempt suicide more times than I can count. I argue with God to just take me. I trap myself in my house and push my family away. I am ready to die. After four months of feeling myself die on the inside, I finally check in for the fourth and final time to get clean and sober and tell them everything. If this doesn't work, I decide, I am jumping off the tallest building in St. Louis.I have now been in recovery for drug addiction and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder for two years. I have not attempted suicide once in that period of time. I am more proud of that than my military service. I have given up on organized religion to help me answer the questions my mind has posed, like, "Why me?" The pure part in the deepest part of my soul, which knows none of this was ever my fault, and didn't deserve any of it, has kept me alive. I can say that there must be a God that has saved me from a hell which I created in my own mind, and given me a second chance at living one day at a time. It has been a very slow crawl back, and I am just getting started. I still cannot trust, I still cannot sleep, I still have awful memories, nightmares and imaginings of things so horrible I cannot say them here.
But I do have hope and a dog that has helped me cope. I have courage that things will get a little easier every day and that someday, the wounds of rape and war will be healed inside me.There are thousands just like me, women and men, veterans who signed up to serve their country and were raped, tortured, harassed, and raped again by their command.
When I enlisted in the Army I took an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. My oath did not end upon discharge. I want to help other men and women veterans get the support that they need and know there is hope that we can get better. We must not give up. We must band together and make sure this doesn't happen to our sons and daughters.
Source : http://www.huffingtonpost.com">
I wanted to declare my independence to everyone I knew, so I shaved my head and signed the dotted line. A little rebellious I guess, but I liked the excitement of it all!I had been a born leader, tough as a brick shithouse, and could knock boys over when I played soccer with them in the neighborhood. I played all the sports, ran faster than most guys and could outwit anyone with their intellectual theories. Especially the Catholic Republican in my Advanced English class senior year who would debate with me on issues such as abortion, the death penalty, and who would be President of the United States first, him or I.In 1997, my senior year, GI Jane came out. I watched it the night before I left for the Army and dreamed of being just like Demi Moore, just as tough as the guys. I was ready, willing, and able to do anything a "man" could do.Eleven years later, I wound up 2100 miles from home, staying in a homeless veterans shelter, attending a three month Renew Program for women veterans who have experienced Military Sexual Trauma with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. There were only five women in my group who were willing to face all the pain of their past to come out feeling better on the other side. Who says women aren't strong?There, I met Amanda Spain, producer of "In Their Boots," an online documentary seriesshowing the struggles of Iraq and Afghanistan vets when we come home. They are apolitical, and funded by a grant from the Iraq Afghanistan Deployment Impact fund (IADIF) and produced by Brave New Foundation under Robert Greenwald.
She asked me if I'd be willing to share my story with those that were willing to listen. Apprehensive, and shocked that someone finally cared enough to listen, I hesitatingly agreed.It was the first time, ever, to share my story, from beginning to end.
One night in South Korea, I went out with some friends to the "Ville" which is all the little hole-in-the-wall bars and restaurants right outside the gates of Camp Carroll, Waegwan, South Korea. It was a dark, spring night and I had to work the next morning at 0730 hours to complete my yearly Common Tasks Training with the unit. I went out for an hour or so, only had one small drink, as being drunk was not my cup of tea at the time. I went to leave an hour later and someone had stolen my keys. Nervous, I walked through the gate with a male, non-commissioned officer I had seen around but didn't know very well. We are taught to respect and trust the NCO's and I had no reason not to. You are not allowed in South Korea to walk through the streets alone as it is with Armed Forces Policy in most places overseas. My roommate was not in our room so I decided to stay in the NCO's room down the hall to wait for her to come home. I checked several times throughout the night but no answer from my roommate.The male asks me four times to have sex with him and I say no all four times. First, I tell him I don't know him, then I tell him I have a boyfriend in Germany, then I tell him again I don't know him. The final time, I tell him I am on my period and NO! Next thing I remember is my naked body being violently thrown all over the bed and I am unable to scream or stop it. I don't know, to this day, if I was drugged or hit over the head.I remember hearing his roommate, just on the other side of the room and I am trying to scream, but nothing comes out. It is as if I am out of my body watching from across the room and can do absolutely nothing to get back in my body and fight him off.
I wake up the next morning twenty minutes late for my 0730 formation. Shaken, not quite sure what happened that night I am standing naked in the bathroom and cannot unwedge the tampon that is shoved all the way up.My Platoon Leader asks me what's wrong and did I drink too much the night before, he smells my breath and concedes that that's not it, but what is it? I don't even know.
Three days later, I get flashes and cold chills as I am standing in the office and see him. My body knew what happened before I did. Somehow, I am told, the body remembers. My hands are shaking and sweaty and now it's all clear. It's too late for a rape kit, I had to tell someone.I talk to my Platoon Sergeant, the man I respected the most. He told me that in the military when there is a rape trial they will blame it on me and make it look like I was asking for it. They would say I drank too much, I was a party girl. They would make up lies and I would be on trial, not the NCO. As I am a naïve 21-year old who trusts her leaders, I go along with his plan to just "live with it." My Platoon Sergeant told me the only thing that would happen to him would be that his rank would be knocked down one level, he would be transferred back to the States and I would have to live the rest of my life with it. So I stuff it way down inside and begin my new way of coping with it, binge drinking on the weekends.Six months later, I reenlisted to stay in four more years and signed up for Europe. September 11th happens and I know Europe will be the first to deploy when war breaks out. We all knew it was coming. I will leave a part of myself in Korea.A year and a half later, May 6, 2003, I am driving in a convoy from Kuwait to Baghdad. My family is watching it all back home on CNN and they have no idea.I already had pain in me from the assault and now I am being exposed to the horrors of war. No front lines for women, my ass. Baghdad is the front line. No, I didn't have to kill anyone, but the fear of thinking today could be my last, either from running over an IED, small arms fire from a sniper, a grenade being thrown from the overpasses or the fact that my Tactical Signal Unit has no armored plates in our flak jackets like the contractors get.I hear stories of soldiers killing themselves in port-a-potties, crazy Iraqis blowing themselves up and what happened the day before in the "Underpass of Death" outside a market we frequent on our way to the Green Zone for supply pickup three times a week.
I am having panic attacks daily, nightmares, flashbacks, all things I don't find out the names for until I get back to Germany. I kept a journal of me losing my mind. Fevers, diarrhea, vomiting, bloody noses, losing 48 pounds in two months.Supply lines are not steady yet and we get 1 liter of water a day and the temperature is 130 degrees in the shade. I am falling apart.My Command will not send me back to get medical treatment as I am "mission essential." Finally, I get orders to Fort Lewis, Washington as there is some loophole somewhere that says you can not be overseas more than 3 years straight. I get medevac'd two weeks early for medical treatment.When I arrive back at Landstuhl Hospital in Germany, they run every test possible to see why I lost all that weight, as I am now a withering 103 pounds. No one asks me if it could be emotional or combat induced.After seeing a fellow soldier from my unit, who now had staples from his chest to his genitals, I lose it and walk myself to psychiatry. I still tried to hold it all in, only telling the Major that every time I hear a door slam I think it is a gunshot. Be strong, I tell myself, I am tough I can handle this.I get to Fort Lewis a month later to find out my new unit is being deployed in two months, I am going back to Baghdad.Two weeks into redeployment, I get double ear infections, a fever, and chills. I am ordered by the Medical Staff to report to Mental Health section as when they see my pulse rate is 140 beats per minute and my blood pressure is through the roof, I am having a panic attack, and can't hide it anymore. Their stupid machines caught me covering it up.I walk to Mental Health and explode. Holding nothing back the Triage Doctor tells me I am not allowed to be around weapons as I am now a danger to myself. I am non-deployable and will be medically boarded out of the Army.I am angry, confused, the Army is my life. I am a Sergeant, my soldiers need me and I need them. I just wanted help, I didn't want to be discharged. I had served 7 years and wanted to retire from the Army.The day I was medically retired, I laid on the couch all day knowing my life was over. I was 25 years old. I went from war hero to piece of shit in one day. I was depressed, couldn't sleep, and my husband, also an Iraq vet, didn't know how to help me or what was even wrong. Little did we know, we both had PTSD, for different reasons, but nonetheless, we waged our own war against each other in the same house.The next two years are fogged from my use of prescription drugs to numb myself. I didn't want to feel anything. I wish I had died in Iraq. At least the deceased aren't suffering. I am trapped in my mind reliving over and over the rape and the war. I am not sure if I am even alive.My husband finally gives up on me a year later and tells me to move back home, that I need my family to help me because he can't get through to me. I am addicted to numbing my pain with anything that will stop it, even for a minute a day.The year of 2006, I attempt suicide more times than I can count. I argue with God to just take me. I trap myself in my house and push my family away. I am ready to die. After four months of feeling myself die on the inside, I finally check in for the fourth and final time to get clean and sober and tell them everything. If this doesn't work, I decide, I am jumping off the tallest building in St. Louis.I have now been in recovery for drug addiction and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder for two years. I have not attempted suicide once in that period of time. I am more proud of that than my military service. I have given up on organized religion to help me answer the questions my mind has posed, like, "Why me?" The pure part in the deepest part of my soul, which knows none of this was ever my fault, and didn't deserve any of it, has kept me alive. I can say that there must be a God that has saved me from a hell which I created in my own mind, and given me a second chance at living one day at a time. It has been a very slow crawl back, and I am just getting started. I still cannot trust, I still cannot sleep, I still have awful memories, nightmares and imaginings of things so horrible I cannot say them here.
But I do have hope and a dog that has helped me cope. I have courage that things will get a little easier every day and that someday, the wounds of rape and war will be healed inside me.There are thousands just like me, women and men, veterans who signed up to serve their country and were raped, tortured, harassed, and raped again by their command.
When I enlisted in the Army I took an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. My oath did not end upon discharge. I want to help other men and women veterans get the support that they need and know there is hope that we can get better. We must not give up. We must band together and make sure this doesn't happen to our sons and daughters.
Source : http://www.huffingtonpost.com">
Obama Names Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston to 'Team of Rivals'
Continuing in his quest to assemble a so-called "team of rivals," President-elect Barack Obama today announced that he would name Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston to key Cabinet positions.
The two actresses, who have been perennial tabloid fodder as a result of their longstanding feud over actor Brad Pitt, were surprise choices for Mr. Obama's Cabinet, since neither of them has been a government official or even portrayed one in a movie.
But in his weekly Internet address, the President-elect explained his rationale for choosing the sworn enemies to his Cabinet: "I chose Jennifer and Angelina for the same reason I have chosen every other Cabinet member: they clearly despise each other with a passion."
While Mr. Obama was vague about which Cabinet positions the two actresses would ultimately hold, insiders said that Ms. Jolie was a shoo-in for Secretary of Labor.
Doris Kearns Goodwin, historian and author of the book Team of Rivals, said that she was "thrilled" by the selection of the two actresses to Mr. Obama's Cabinet.
"Every time someone says 'team of rivals,' I sell another book on Amazon," she said. "Team of rivals, team of rivals, team of rivals."
The two actresses, who have been perennial tabloid fodder as a result of their longstanding feud over actor Brad Pitt, were surprise choices for Mr. Obama's Cabinet, since neither of them has been a government official or even portrayed one in a movie.
But in his weekly Internet address, the President-elect explained his rationale for choosing the sworn enemies to his Cabinet: "I chose Jennifer and Angelina for the same reason I have chosen every other Cabinet member: they clearly despise each other with a passion."
While Mr. Obama was vague about which Cabinet positions the two actresses would ultimately hold, insiders said that Ms. Jolie was a shoo-in for Secretary of Labor.
Doris Kearns Goodwin, historian and author of the book Team of Rivals, said that she was "thrilled" by the selection of the two actresses to Mr. Obama's Cabinet.
"Every time someone says 'team of rivals,' I sell another book on Amazon," she said. "Team of rivals, team of rivals, team of rivals."
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